But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. For we are the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. 1 Corinthians 2
Though we travel the world to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us, or we find it not.
I’m not even sure what that quote means. What does it mean to find the beautiful? For me it has been a very gradual process of discovery…and I think it will be that way for my entire life. I feel as if I’m giving up an opportunity to find the beautiful in Malaysia, but it doesn’t matter at this point; what matters is that I carry it with me…
I’ve found it here though, in my dorm-like-room, in friends’ apartments and in art rooms; I’ve found love and friendship and closeness and heartfelt gratitude. I’ve found love from my Father and his sustaining strength and peace. I’ve found beauty in solitude and loneliness; I’ve realized the necessity of family in my life, whether that be family by blood or family in heart.
Everyone keeps discussing how much they are going to grow on these outreaches. I have to be careful with the way I react to that; because my mind immediately concludes that my life will remain stagnant, that my heart will be refined so little, at home. But it doesn’t have to be that way. It will just take lots of persistence, lots of intentional time spent on things that are beneficial for my soul.
I’m so grateful for the new perspectives I’ve gained (or been presented with) on countless things regarding faith, life, love, and family. I’m so thankful for my three months in Germany where I was able to realize that YWAM is not my home. I’ve been blessed to have the chance to travel like this because I’ve come to the realization that a constant state of travel is probably not for me. That uprooting myself alone is too much for me to handle.
So I’m going home. And I’m carrying the beauty I’ve learned with me. :)
Drinking what is likely the best London Fog I have ever had at Viltnis, listening to some Christmas tunes, and watching the cars drive by in the dark streets outside. It has been a really relaxed day but at the same time there is business in the air as outreach approaches. I keep forgetting that it’s Thanksgiving today. But what I can’t seem to forget is the fact that I’ll be home in five days. The countdown has begun (okay, it began a while ago). And I am excited beyond words!
I’m ready to be home! I cannot explain the peace, the relief, the restfulness, the happiness that has overcome my entire being since making my decision. I wish everyone could know how deep the peace goes. I am so grateful for everyone’s support, though… Without it I might be stepping into a world that I am not meant for just yet. Without it I might make a decision due to pressure and feelings of obligation—and we all know that’s a bad idea. I feel God’s blessing upon this journey as well as the blessing of the people around me (and those at home).
God was there through the darkest days and he’s here in the brightest. He’s so FAITHFUL! And so good. And so wise. I don’t understand how he could love me so much. Absolutely amazing. :)
You say you’re willing. Of course you do. But could you really give everything if he asked you to? Could you honestly leave everything behind?
I find it very difficult to say yes.
Love Love Love. I’m COMPLETELY surrounded by people filled with the love of our Savior—and they just pour it out on me. Oh how I long to do that all day every day!! I hope they know what a strong effect it has on other people. I hope they know how OBVIOUS it is that Jesus is freaking alive in them!! You can see it in their eyes! You notice it by the way they spend their time. You can hear it in their voice. My goodness I want that. I want it so bad. It is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen.
I am feeling hurt and confused. I suddenly feel as if my opinion doesn’t matter. I feel like my honest thoughts and questions are dismissed because they’re considered purely emotion. But believe it or not, I am capable of being rational. I am capable of processing on my own. I’m young, but I know how to think. And they are true feelings and thoughts that I have had for two months now, and that I have considered and cried about and pushed through, (and that I have even ignored, when it was necessary). They are feelings that God has freed me from at the times he chose to.
And each of us has a different calling. Please don’t subject me to generalizations. Please wait and hear my heart first. Please wait and hear how much I’ve been through to come to this conclusion. How much internal turmoil, how much crying out to God…
I can’t even write anymore. I’m so upset and sad and hurt. I know those words were meant in love. But they didn’t feel that way at all.
Monday afternoon, after hours of travel, we ended up at a hospital with a guitar and a hymnbook. We sang to a group of elderly men and women (mostly women) and afterwards were able to talk with them and love on them. I talked to a sweet woman named Maria Renata, one of the only ones who spoke English. She told a friend and I a bit of her story and we were able to pray for her legs, which were swollen from a condition that makes it extremely painful to walk. Another friend from our group was able to tell a man in his late 80s about Jesus, and he accepted the Lord into his life that day. None of us were expecting to minister to elderly people that day—but God brought us there and through us he brought his love to his children who needed it.
My first experience in the city of Hamburg was absolutely lovely! We had pizza at L’OSTERIA with our new friends Conrad, Nathanael, and dangit I can’t remember the third guy’s name!!. They would probably be pretty creeped out if they knew I was putting pictures of them on my blog.
The pizzas were delicious, and huge!! Plus, the restaurant had a great atmosphere to it.
Photos of Hamburg from my iPod. A beautiful city! But I’m so glad to be back at the Castle.